Sleepless
by SolenmSerpent
Summary: This takes place in the mind of Raito during and after L’s death. As the days pass, he begins to realize that forgetting L may not be as easy as he had hoped.


**Anime:** Death Note

**Rated:** PG-13

**Warnings:** Language, thematic elements [you know, like Death]

**_This takes place in the mind of Raito during and after L's death._**

_**As the days pass, he begins to realize that forgetting L may not be as easy as he had hoped. **_

* * *

It felt as if they were frozen in time.

The faint flickering of the monitors weren't registered; the sinister red illumination of the room became monochrome and lifeless; and the villainous ticking of Raito's inner clocks had become motionless as well. Raito paused, not sure if the boy in front of him was creating a mere jest when he had stumbled out of his chair. But now he held L in 'concern', watching with a worried pretense as the boy's lids grew heavy. His lips pulled upwards and a vicious smirk crawled up his face as L grew heavy underneath his hold.

_I will always remain victorious L, you should have known that._

The realization that L would cascade into the pits of hell knowing that 'Kira' had been the one to pull the plug made waves of euphoria erupt in his body. But he couldn't allow those initial emotions take over him now; he'd gone over this moment many times in his head. His reaction to L's death; he had made his response to it perfect... He cried out, calling out for the boy, shaking him to add effect as he spewed out lies like a broken record.

The rest of the team bought it foolishly, trying to calm him down and clutching their fists in emotional anguish. Such an icon had been lost by the simple act of writing? The loss piled up in the hearts of the investigators, save for Raito. As he watched the scene, façade in place, his only regret was that he hadn't been alone with L when this happened. Only then would he have had the opportunity to openly laugh at his triumph.

Days later he stood solemnly at L's grave, telling lies to his father about revenge and his own personal anguish. His father nodded faintly, wishing for such a time to come; wishing for the demon that had taken away such a bright and unique character, to face justice. Not realizing that it was his son who'd committed such monstrosities. Raito inwardly smirked at his father's stupidity, only offering pity for the fact that his father didn't possess the same intelligence L had; his father would have been an interesting adversary.

As his father's presence slipped away and Matsuda left him alone with his 'emotions', the cemetery grew quiet. A light breeze was his only company as the sun's light began to fade from the skies. Lost in his own thoughts, he had hardly noticed Ryuk's presence once he had appeared. With the same mutilated smile in place, Ryuk stared at the unmarked, cross shaped gravestone.

"So L's finally fallen… nothing really exciting's gonna happen now."

As they stood in silence for a few more seconds, a wicked laugh escaped Raito's lips. Ryuk quickly glanced at his 'companion' with curious eyes. He threw his head upwards, as if directing his laugh towards the false 'gods' that everyone had created and a sickening, maniacal laugh echoed throughout the cemetery. He'd won! Now there was no one left to create a hindrance, to keep him from building this world in his own perfect, flawless vision! He'd already begun to influence people, families, and even entire countries! The world was now his for the taking and as malleable as it and its people were, it could be shaped within a matter of _months_.

With pure demonic mannerisms, Raito climbed on top of the fallen hero's altar and screamed at the top of his lungs.

"What do you think, L? I have won. I have won!" He'd hoped that bastard had heard the words right through his grave. He hoped that L was twisting and turning at his own incapability to realize that he'd been right all along, but had failed regardless. But as the silence rolled in after his outburst and no answer followed, his sadistic grin soon faded.

He supposed after being in the presence of the worshipped investigator for so long, he'd come to expect L's intelligent replies that contradicted his general beliefs. The demon inside him grinned maliciously at the absence of L's response, but his other personality couldn't help but wonder; what would L have said?

"_Won? The possibly that you had been Kira has always been 100%; I was merely waiting for you to make your first error. And it appears as if you already have."_

At the thought, his eyes darkened and he quickly regained is composure. _Error_, L? Gods don't make errors; people do. And that's what I'm going to _**correct**_.

And so from then on, Raito continued killing off those who opposed him. His general façade was that of a person who wished to bring the 'sociopath' Kira to justice, while between the cracks of his compassionate pretense he was always grinning at his triumph over those he killed. As the days passed, his victims were practically pooling around his feet. He had **no** regrets over his actions, only a strong sense of superiority.

Ryuk simply chuckled, knowing this not to be true.

* * *

After days of leading the investigation squad in hopeless circles, Raito would always return to his little home. Occasionally, Misa would accompany him. He didn't really care for her presence; she was able to offer nothing other than temporary sexual stimulation and her unique shinigami eyes. He needed no one. But, as time moved on after L's death, he'd find himself on his mattress, habitually glancing over to his side as if expecting the young detective to be watching over him.

Had he gained a sense of attachment with the fallen hero? Impossible.

As habitual as glancing over his shoulder was, the sensation that coursed through his body when ever he tried to rest was unable to be labeled or described. Eventually, sleep became his enemy. A sly one that chuckled deviously as it slid out of his grasp and before he knew it, the investigation squad desired his weary presence once again.

So, like an insomniac patient, his back remained pressed up against the cold wall of his room. His palms rested on the cool fabric of his bed sheets and his head was leaned back in hopes of accidentally nodding off into a long awaited slumber. His cell phone was a few centimeters away from his reach; he had contemplated turning off the pathetic contraption countless times, but suspicion was not something he wished to attract. Though he doubted it, something important might pop up, the squad could call at _any_ moment.

_Silence, at last, _Raito thought. It was a luxury that he hadn't been able to afford recently. The headquarters was always bustling with new leads, dozens of crinkling, shuffling papers flying around, orders being thrown around and followed without rest.

Ryuk wasn't there at the moment; he was probably finding his demonic thrills elsewhere. Raito mentally chuckled, Ryuk was like a stray cat; only around for momentary excitement.

His thoughts wandered back to the cellular phone; if it rung... he'd hear it... he let out a soft, contained yawn and absentmindedly rubbed his wrist. It'd been a while since that metal contraption had been attached to him, but every once in a while, his memories bitterly returned to the time when it was. _Good riddance_, he thought resentfully. L had probably found sick pleasure out of watching him struggle with it on.

A cold draft suddenly swept through the room; he sighed, "Had enough fun for the day, Ryuk?" Raito asked tiredly when he felt a sinister presence linger close. When he didn't answer Raito merely shook off the question, he didn't want to shatter what little calm he had left. As if the walls were pillows, Raito tiredly tried to dig his head into it; he froze. There it was: that familiar chill that he experienced every time sleep silently crept back to him. But this time, the chills were more prominent, more sickening. He tightly gripped the sheets as they traveled through every vein, every capillary twisting in his masculine frame.

Gasping, Raito's eyes snapped open and he quickly glanced around his room.

His desk, chair, and windows were all untouched while Ryuk calmly levitated in the air, chomping soundly on an apple. The juices trickled down his mouth, yet no noise was made. "What's so amusing, Ryuk?" Raito asked with his head slightly angled and shoulders slouched, as if he was trying to bury his anxiousness with foolish inquiries. Drawing his attention from his beloved human fruit, Ryuk indeed had a sinister smirk engraved on his face. Despite this feature being permanent, after being followed by the stray demon for such a long time, Raito learned how to dissect the shinigami's 'many' expressions.

Ryuk's grin only deepened with sick intent as his eyes meandered from Raito.

"I'm not the only thing that follows you, it seems."

Raito, even with all of his idolized intelligence couldn't comprehend Ryuk's response. But Ryuk's grotesque, bulging eyes weren't on the baffled teenager in front of him... Raito felt a soft tug and the clanking of metal vibrated in his eardrums like shackles from hell. He glanced over at the wall behind him; his breathing ceased.

"..."

_Nothing_, there was nothing, just his overactive imagination eating away at him. He shot a glare at Ryuk, "Trying to frighten me; your idea for excitement, Ryuk?" The demon offered no explanation, only affection towards his red apple as his sharp teeth ground up its remains. Could he have been possibly weary of Ryuk's simple, playful statement? Raito's lips parted in thought, _no, it's just the stress of the investigation creeping up on me. But...I'd be wiser to rid myself of my concerns; a sudden lack of enthusiasm and overt paranoia could provoke concern. I can't allow the task force to have doubt of my capabilities._

With a deep sigh, Raito bolted off of his mattress and snatched up his car keys and coat. "Where are you going?" Ryuk asked curiously, lapping the sweet streams of apple juice dripping down his chin. Raito opened the door and stepped out, ignoring Ryuk's inquires.

* * *

Like fading lanterns, the lights in the cemetery offered little luminosity. But Raito could see the outline of the cross shaped granite grave marker with minimal squinting. He studied its simple design, wondering if the insomniac detective was even in the coffin at all. It was beginning to feel as if he was still alive... Raito questioned his own emotions, would he feel more at ease of L was still alive, or would he feel anxious and unnerved because L would once again prove as a hindrance?

Either thought conflicted with both his 'personalities'. He wouldn't dare to call himself a schizophrenic or insane, but having to uphold a caring facade for such an extended amount of time had become like a second persona.

He clutched his coat, snapping out of his thoughts. What was he doing here in the first place? He mentally scolded himself for allowing his past ties to L to govern his daily choices. Look at what L had caused, even after his death. He was in the middle of a cemetery, hanging around a dead man's grave for possible answers to his sleeplessness.

What had he expected to see, L sitting next to his grave with a cup of coffee in hand? "Stupid, nothing ever makes sense when you're involved." He said spitefully, turning away from L's grave, not desiring to spare another second in the past.

_'What, no flowers?'_

"W-what?" Raito questioned, twisting his body to glance at L's grave once more.

Dark, outlined eyes stared back at Raito lifelessly through thick, ebony bangs. He sat in a recognizable fashion; crouched with a long thumb resting between his ashen lips. As the enigma's eyes moved right though the scheming investigator's frame, Raito's vocal cords failed to speak the name that was dangling on his tongue.

Raito stared at the familiar figure for a few seconds before unsuccessfully dashing a few feet from the grave. A familiar restriction was suddenly around his wrist; and he barely moved an inch. He stared at the hand cuffs, studying the authentic metallic structure. He mind was in tact; he wasn't imagining this. His musings had practically sprung of from the confines his brain and become a reality! Surprisingly, he became enraged; L despised losing as much as Raito did, and must've come back in order to crush in divine dreams.

Raito's expression morphed into a deep scowl. His instinctive gratification of reuniting with the fallen rival quickly subsided with the waves of anger coursing through him.

_That bastard! Why couldn't he have just stayed in his grave where he belongs?_

"I must be imagining things, you're dead!" Raito exclaimed while fingering his shackle with a distasteful expression. He tried acting as if he wasn't speaking with a spirit, but a simple child that had worn his patience thin. L glanced around slowly, as if he hadn't been aware of his own demise.

_'Well, it appears I am_.'

Seeing L had been frightening enough, but talking to him again... it brought Raito back to the time when a grave wasn't his only gateway to a decent conversation with his former rival. L's voice was low and contained, and despite his common smiles, never achieved a high pitched tone. Raito flinched at the familiar tone, "What do you want? You've already lost; your investigation has failed." Raito stated haughtily with a calculating grin adorning his lips.

L stared at him with soulless eyes, yet despite their emptiness, Raito identified a single strong emotion: despair. _'As long as we are connected by these handcuffs,_' L slightly tugged at the metal contraption as he spoke, _'We'll share the same destiny_.' Raito remembered the day L had spoke those words. But they held no meaning now; L was deceased, past binds couldn't pose as a hindrance to his success.

"Don't fool yourself into believing such pathetic things. The handcuffs merely connected our wrist, not our destinies, and now _you're_ gone; like you should be."

''_Godly' ignorance taking hold once again?_' L asked tauntingly.

"Shut up! Gods have no ignorance, I Kira, am _perfect_." Raito sharply responded, trying to wave away L's haunting voice, but the detective continued;

_'Raito had more potential of ruling the world than Kira ever did; this earth doesn't need another __**tyrant**__.'_ L glanced up in silent thought, thumb still placed innocently between his pale lips,_ 'Then again, Raito had his own vices as well. I don't voice this fact in order to gain a false sense of triumph over your 'accomplishments'; I am merely insisting the authenticity of our friendship, despite the truth that Kira could've cared less. But I'm not speaking to __**him**_**,**_ only Raito._' L's words were like daggers set to target his ego, "You speak as if you know exactly what this world needs, but you haven't a clue. I'm the only god here, Kira will prevail! And you were never an ally; simply a hindrance."

'_A hindrance you say? The probability that my presence had __**no**__ bearing on the outcome to your quest to become 'God' is 19%, especially since I was your only friend. _' Raito sneered, "Friend? You were merely an investigator, a person hired to do their job."

L scoffed, '_What do you think will happen when they figure out that you're only leading them in circles? Your 'goals' will mean nothing to them; in the end, you're killing people made from the same flesh, similar structure. I was the only person who was able to see inside the mind of Kira, and understand, though not sympathize._

_No matter how you deny it, you've won nothing. You've achieved no gains from your supposed ascendance towards a god-like status. All you have managed is throwing away a potentially prosperous life in search of a meaningless dream. _

Raito parted his lips to protest but L silenced him with a subtle waving of his index finger. '_Even in our 'rivalry', there was never victor; from the first day I laid eyes on you, percentages aside, I knew you were Kira. But as we grew to appreciate and dislike each other's presence, I gradually wished for the reality of this to be incorrect._'

Raito's anger immediately escaped him once L had spoken those words. Had L been discouraging suspicions by constantly trying to trick him into a confession? _**No.**_ L's attachments must've been false; a ploy to trick Kira into making a mistake. But L's words completely contradicted Raito's initial thoughts.

'_Your shock was to be expected, Kira has no emotions, no attachments. But now you, Raito---have nothing._' Raito's lips rose in a sneer, "What do you mean, there are plenty of things I have; I've never needed you to gain them." L simply smiled, disregarding the detective's objections.

_That vile smile, _his darker side Kira thought venomously, eyes twitching at the disgusting expression painted on his rival's face. Yet, Raito offered no distaste towards seeing that smile again. But he wouldn't admit that he enjoyed it.

_**Heh.**_ Raito inwardly grinned, "This is one of the first times I've seen you without sweets; no cake where you live now, I presume?" Raito comically stated, taking notice to the absence of sugary treats between L's fingers. L stared down, almost sadly, but an air of playfulness existed in his actions. He spoke without smiling, "What, you wanted a piece? Too bad; no cakes for criminals."

Kira scoffed at how idiotic the conversation had turned, Raito chuckled in content. Something he hadn't been able to do in the longest of times; the task force had really taken up his time… He glanced at L, unexpectedly intent with his surroundings.

Soon, a diminutive, yet noticeable wind passed through the sudden tranquility of Yagami's thoughts. And as magical as L's appearance had been, he disappeared without another word. Raito was taken by surprise; quickly glancing around in doubt of L's sudden departure.

"L?" He asked the wind, eyes staring ahead into emptiness. Nothing but the soft dancing of leaves in the desolate cemetery answered his calls. He felt pathetic; calling out for him like that. _**No.**_ Kira hated L more than anything, aside from criminals. But he; Raito, when it came to L, thought of him as a friend? The thought racketed through his brain, followed with uncertainty. He solemnly smiled.

_**Yes.**_ A friend, L was indeed.

If the handcuffs had not been required in their agreement, Raito would have naturally gravitated toward L's unique personality and little quirks. There had been nothing like him; Misa wasn't a generic girl, she had her unique points, but… it wasn't the same. L and he were both intelligent and able to converse with each other on intellectual levels, levels that he'd been unable to reach with his fellow classmates that seemed to blend in with the rest of the world. He had denied L's thoughts about Kira and the universe, but now, no protest slipped from his lips.

L had been 100% correct about one thing, though.

Raito now had nothing, and neither did Kira.


End file.
